Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A girl's gotta have one!

Some time ago I wrote this post, and I lamented that I never had a pink gun...

Well imagine my surprise when I arrived home the other day only to see this on the table!

I had no idea such things existed. Girls, here you are - the perfect spring accessory! A Davey Crickett rifle, in bright, blessed, beautiful, pink.

Sadly, it turns out, this was not for me. Nope. This is for Rachel. Because every girl should own a pink rifle for target shooting with Daddy.

Friday, April 17, 2009

...and a side of humiliation please!

I don't have many pet peeves, but one of them is ordering at drive through restaurant windows. They just reduce me to a dithering idiot, as no matter how clearly, slowly, distinctly, and LOUDLY I speak, it seems the poor soul on the other end never understands what I am saying. Every. Single. Time.

So today, I took Rachel and James for their dentist appointments, just cleaning and a check-up. Aside - no cavities (yeah!) but James needs some baby teeth extracted (yuck!) to make room for those huge adult-sized choppers that are coming in... Seriously, he looks like he is getting ready to channel Simon, Alvin, or Theodore….

I've digressed.

So after their appointment, we decided to make a quick stop at the Popeye's right by their school so Rachel could have a piece of Mardi Gras cheesecake, so named because of the layer of colored sprinkles that festoon the top of the cheesecake. Yes, I believe in rewarding my kids for "no-cavities-dentist-visits" by plying them with sugar-laden treats; that's just the kind of mom I am, thankyouverymuch.

So, we pulled up to the squawking menu box in the drive-thru lane at Popeye's. And wait. And wait. Finally the speaker crackles, and it's time to place my order. A raspy voice comes out of the speaker, "Welcome to Popeye's, can I take your order?" Now I'm just assuming that's what she said, because what I really heard was more like "waruummoppp do popeyes… bamm ur tark wor morter?"

So, I said in my most clear and chirpy voice:

"Hi! I'd like one slice of Mardi Gras cheesecake please!"

Silence. Then static. Then the raspy voice: "Fries???"

Rachel starts to snicker. James points at me and laughs. They have witnessed this before. I try again:

"No, that was one slice of cheesecake, please."

More silence. More static, then the voice, "Did you say diet Slice ma'am?"

Rachel and James are laughing and snorting now. So I give them an evil glare, then turn and screech at the speaker:


“Please pull around to the window!” I think the voice says. And so we do. The girl who takes my money calls her co-workers over to get a glimpse of the idiot who can’t order cheesecake. I try to avoid eye contact as she hands me Rachel’s cheesecake, and then off we go.

But this silly story doesn’t end there. Unfortunately not. After dropping my still-giggling kids off at school, I start heading back to work, and as I’m driving by the Popeye’s, I am hit with this huge craving for a piece of fried chicken, which is strange because I haven’t wanted fried chicken in ages. Perhaps it is a subliminal thing from my previous perilous trip through the Popeye’s drive-thru; the smell of fried chicken must have triggered this when it wafted into the car. Whatever... it’s killing me. So I give in, swing into the parking lot, and find myself back in the same drive-thru lane. I pull back up to the menu. And wait. And again, the static, and the same raspy voice:

"waruummoppp do popeyes… bamm ur tark wor morter?"

This time I decide to skip the nice polite order and just bark out my order at the top of my lungs in slow, well-ennunciated syllables, complete with frantic hand gestures, just in case Ms. Popeye is watching.

“ONE BISCUIT AND ONE PIECE OF WHITE MEAT CHICKEN PLEASE!” I even point to the items on the menu, like that is going to help.

Silence. Then static.

“dooooo ur wurnt hmmm umna LEG er WING um amba THIGH ummmm BREAST?”

The four chicken parts were the only words I could recognize…

“BREAST PLEASE!!!” By now I am hanging out the car window trying to get closer to the microphone.

Silence. Then static.

“Leg?” the voice says.

“BREAST! BREAST PLEASE!” I shout. I am waving my hands around, feeling ridiculous.

“Thigh?” the voice rasps.

Sigh. “FINE!!!” I say, realizing that further attempts are futile.

So I pull up to the window, the drive-thru-window-person stares at me in recognition, then tries not to laugh as I meekly take my box of chicken (and yes, it was a thigh) and biscuit, and head out on my way.

Y’all, next time I’m parking and sending the kids in. I’m going to wear my sunglasses and scrunch down in the car in the parking lot. Either that or we’ll stop at the grocery store. They sell cheesecake there too, you know. And sprinkles...


Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Pied Piper goes BANG!

To get to our house, you have to drive down a long gravel driveway, about a quarter of a mile. Our house is set off in the very back of our neighborhood, and we like it that way. We don't have any neighbors right next to us, and that makes it possible for our dogs to roam pretty freely on our property without bothering the neighbors or getting into trouble. Dogs, I've noticed, are actually pretty lazy.... When given the choice between laying in the sunshine in the grass for a snooze, or mustering up the energy to chase birds or rabbits, they seem to prefer the former.

Which is why I found it strange that in the last week or two, our border collie, Missy, has developed a mad passion for chasing the car when we leave the house. When she sees us loading up in the car, she lies in wait, and when we head down the driveway, she races alongide next to the car, and she is FAST! I had mentioned this annoying habit to Hubs, and he promised me he would "...take care of it."

So this afternoon, Hubs asked me to jump in the truck and ride with him down to pick up the tractor, and when I got in the truck, there on the console in the front seat I saw the strangest thing: a lighter and a small box of fireworks, the kind that just make a noise when they go off.

And then things got stranger when he said, "Now when we start down the driveway, you have to light a firecracker and throw it out the window

Tea Party

Sadly we were not able to attend the Tax Day Tea Party held in Chattanooga yesterday, but we watched the Tea Parties around the country on Fox News, and for the first time in many months we felt optimistic, hopeful for the future of this country. To see throngs of people, people like us, who share our views and are willing to stand up and speak out is so reassuring.

We saw parents and grandparents who are concerned, as we are, for their children and their grandchildren’s future. We saw people who just want government to be less oppressive, less greedy, and to turn away from ever-increasing government taxation and intrusion in our lives. We saw people who want their government to act with integrity and follow the same rules that apply to us. We saw people who are sick of a government that seems to serve its own appetite for power and control instead of serving the people. We saw strong opinions and strong messages directed at our government, which seems to have stopped listening to the people. We saw people who don’t want the a government nanny state to take care of them, but instead, want the government to give them liberty and breathing room to take care of themselves.

And the posters on display! We saw hand-written signs and posters with topics ranging from taxes, bailouts, stimulus spending, the debt being imposed on us all by this tidal wave of spending, to gun control and individual liberty. We saw signs demanding government responsibility – “NEXT TIME, READ THE BILL!”, and “WE PAY OUR TAXES, WHY DON’T YOU?” and “STOP SPENDING MY CHILDREN’S FUTURE!”

And in my house, we cheered, and high-fived! Yes! Yes, there is hope!

I pray this message is being heard by those who need to hear. There is a growing swell of people in this country who are sick of a government that does not appear to listen to WE THE PEOPLE!

Oh that we would continue to join together, STAND UP, AND MAKE OUR VOICE HEARD!

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants, and it provides the further advantage of giving the servants of tyranny a good conscience” – Albert Camus

Friday, April 10, 2009

Good Friday

This morning I read Isaiah 53. It's become a personal tradition for me to read this on Good Friday, and every time, I am overcome....with sorrow, and with gratitude. The punishment that brought my peace was placed on him. Whoa! This sacrifice for me, and for you, is completely beyond my understanding. These words, written ~700 years BEFORE the birth of Christ, are so powerful.

Isaiah 53
2. He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
5. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
6. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
7. He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.
8. By oppression and judgment he was taken away. And who can speak of his descendants? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
9. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.
10. Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
11. After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light [of life] and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities.
12. Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Monday, April 6, 2009

...and the dog wins!

Well, I have officially given up, thrown in the towel, and conceded defeat in my battle to train our dog Sally not to sleep on the couch.... It's hopeless y'all!

She and I have been battling over this for a year now, ever since I bought this antique camelback sofa at an Estate Sale in Chattanooga. It's white, which should have caused me to stop and think about DOG HAIR and CAT HAIR before I bought it, but as we say, that is water under the bridge.


The first day we brought this sofa home and installed it in our sitting room, Sally jumped on the sofa and proceeded to take the first of many naps. I have hauled her off that thing more times than I care to count, I've squirted her with a water bottle, I've bribed her with wonderful doggy beds, and still, she insists on sleeping there. And she knows it is wrong, because whenever I catch her on the sofa, she slinks off.
Well, this weekend I just gave up. Sally has won this battle of wills, and so from now on, my sofa will have a permanent comforter or blanket cover. I am so peeved.....